Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize