I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
