She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
