My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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