You're my little dorito
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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