And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
pray to the hookup gods
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
