Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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