Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
