I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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