i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
