I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
