I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
