I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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