DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
