God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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