Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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