i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
