i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
