The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
