i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
