im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
