i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
