If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
where are my eyebrows?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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