fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry about my life...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
