I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
