They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
