Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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