im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
