Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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