That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
