Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
