I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
