I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
