there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
