my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize