i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
