ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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