I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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