Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
