if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am one with the molecules
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
