My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
