Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
