Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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