yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The air taste purple.
Randomize
