I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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