When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
