i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
