obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
