Can Purell be used as lube?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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