I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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