Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
