From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We left an ass print on the piano.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize