Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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