Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
