he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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