Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize