i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
