Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
