Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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