From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
