Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
