This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize