its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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