i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
