remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
