I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
