if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
