Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
