I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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